Do It Yourself (Go Fuck Yourself)

If the project of your so-called-DIY-what-have-you takes more time than a couple of hours, e.g. waiting for a tree stump to dry out (approximate time: 3-6 months); costs more than the item you are DIY-ing; and calls for an array of tools, power tools, supplies, etc., you are not allowed to call the project DIY, let alone share it with the world as “making nice.” This is your job. While the rest of the world and a fraction of that world, your readers, goes off to work each morning, they have to sit in a claustrophobic cubicle  putting in endless numbers and taking endless phone calls, while you DIY with light fixtures and concrete in your new second home. No one is negating that your life is much better than ours, but could you please stop pretending that you’re all just a bunch of regular, average, Midwestern girls who do DIY projects in their free time?

ALL OF YOUR TIME IS FREE TIME.

Our days exist around eight to nine hour chunks of work. This is known as the real world. A place where creativity and expression are only measured by how quickly you complete your work and how efficiently you answer the phone to meet quotas. Sure, the real world is bookended with free time, but most people fill those chunks up with sleep, or television, but mostly sleep.

You can’t call something a beautiful mess if it was never messy to begin with.